Learn all about me!... aren't YOU lucky!

Apartment Update

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 05:47:42 GMT

I've been having some problems getting my finances straightened out (faulty check card, multiple incoming checks, inability to consistently go to bank to deposit them, etc). Because of this, my friend Alex has had to find another roommate, as she will have nowhere else to live after August 15th, and had to make sure she had somewhere secured.

She found an apartment in the building we were planning to live in, and that roommate will be graduating and moving out of the apartment in December, when I will then move in. I'm actually quite pleased about that, as that will give me an extra few months to get a regular paycheck, save up a little stash, and maybe be able to afford groceries AND an apartment (HURRAH)! The only thing that I'm kind of sad about is the fact that we won't be moving into our new apartment together, even though we will eventually be living together, you see what I mean? I just wish I could share that moment with someone, but I won't be able to because she will have already done it.

I applied to three different temp agencies last Friday, and even though I haven't heard from any of them yet (obviously), I'm extremely hopeful. If I don't hear anything by Wednesday, I'll try somebody else. My worry is that I don't have nearly enough of a resume to impress anybody, but who knows.

Alex is really stressing me lately. She makes suggestions about what my next step should be, which is fine, except that she does it for too frequently and repeatedly. When I call her on it, she says it's because she knows that if she "had to do the same thing" (ie, pay for rent, etc., without financial help from her parents) she wouldn't be able to cope. That's completely true, of course (her mom gives her $10,000 a year, and her dad gives her God-knows-how-much) and I had no reason to suspect of lying, but it's almost hurtful in a way that she (and Mom and Annie and my godmother Meg and my uncle Bob and Jesus knows who else) doesn't believe that I have the mental capacity to know if I'm ready to do this. I know they're looking out for me, and Alex in particular wouldn't want me to flake on something as important as this, but I wish their doubt would stop rubbing off on me.

All of this stress has put me back into my depression. I just hope and pray that a good job will be enough to get me through this. I also can't wait to start my drawing class and see my Marky poo-poo (AKA Dr. Markowski, the greatest teacher EVER). If there's one person who can spark my can-do attitude, it's him. I just hope I don't lose the thrust of my enthusiasm.

Apartment Anxiety

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 07:58:53 GMT

As I may have discussed in a previous journal entry (I can't be bothered to check), I am taking a semester off from school, and probably extending that to a year. I have decided to take this year to develop myself more as a functioning human being. Ideally, I will have a job, a driver's licence, and leave home in this time. The most pressing, of course, is the job so I can have the money to do everything I need to do, and also to help pay for school once I go back. The problem is, it has been practically impossible to get a job because I live rather far away from any sort of job opportunities, and even the closest bus stop is nearly a mile away. I have been stressing over this issue for the past two months, and certain family members are not helping by CONSTANTLY nagging me about needing to get a job.

Within the past week, however, a virtual miracle has happened. My friend, Alex, was desperately looking for a roommate to share an apartment in a rather beautiful building in DC, situated across the street from American University, which is where she studies. She asked me if I could possibly, maybe, not likely share with her. Of course I said no. How could I when I don't even have a job? But then I realized, by living in such a fantastic location, with so many jobs going at American and a 5-minute bus ride to Dupont Circle where I could certainly get a job, THIS COULD BE MY CHANCE to reach my goals! I then agreed to this past week I have seen the apartment and picked up a few applications to places on campus (5 minute WALK to work!). The only (slight) down side is that I MUST get a job AND sign my lease within a week from now, because with so many students coming back to the area for the fall, I must grab the job and apartment before someone else does. Also, the apartment is extremely expensive ($1400 a month, $700 for each of us), which means I would have very very little money left over to live on, but at a salary STARTING point, $400 or $500 a month is better than nothing at all right? (btw, meals are already paid for elsewhere, so food isn't coming out of that leftover money.)

Now, I realize that the money situation isn't spectacular, and the apartment is very pricey considering it's a one-bedroom apartment (Alex is taking the bedroom, which is fairly small, but I'm getting a curtained-off section of the living room which will actually be about twice the size of her room with a big bay window), but IT IS PROGRESS, right? So one would think that I might have a little emotional and moral support from my family, right? Wrong. My aunt says little, but gives the impression that I'm doing the wrong thing. My mom actually gets angry everytime I mention it, saying, "We'll figure out a way to get you to work from here" (which happens to be bullshit). Even Alex is worried because she isn't actually paying for her half, her mom is, so she is beside herself that I am actually paying for my half. She says things like,"If I were in your shoes, I know I wouldn't be able to handle it."

I know that they're looking out for me, making sure I don't get into trouble, but what they're really doing is DESTROYING the small puddle of self-confidence I have. I desperately need someone to believe in me right now, encourage me, settle my nerves. At least fifty times, the week I've wanted to chuck it all in. Not because I don't want to do it, not because I don't think I can or think I should, but because if everyone else around me thinks I can't or shouldn't, maybe I should listen. I believe in my heart that this what I NEED to do. I feel that it's waaaaaaay past due, and even if they aren't perfect circumstances, I need to jump on it before my chance and my nerve is gone.

Please tell me I'm right. Or at least right-ish.

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 07:26:59 GMT

Well, this Sunday is the St. B's reunion. I hope we get a lot of people to show up. I was worried that none of the teachers would come, but it looks like we're going to have quite a few. I also know that quite a few people from my class are coming, plus quite a few maybes as well. I know it's silly, but I am really upset that I couldn't lose much weight in time (though I have lost about 10 pounds in the last month). I was starting to get fat in the 8th grade, but I've certainly ballooned beyond all recognition since then. I wanted people to remember me after the reunion thinking that I've grown up a lot, not grown OUT a lot. Oh well. My best isn't great, but it's all I have. I've been sort of neglecting my friends for the past month just trying to respond to all of the people who have written to me about the reunion. After this Sunday, I should be back to my normal, rosy-cheeked self.

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 21:32:21 GMT

My pirate name is:

Mad Mary Kidd

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 22:06:06 GMT

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!" You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up. If only your routine didn't always bomb! You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

The Muppet Personality Test

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 20:48:38 GMT

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 18:26:16 GMT

http://flowershots.com/html/gallery-1600-21.html

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 14:20:17 GMT

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Entirely Miss Reverend Lady Molly the Festive of Peevish St Victor
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

And, as "Mollie" is the more British spelling:

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Lady Madame Mollie the Defenestrated of St Winifred by Winchelsea
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 06:15:04 GMT

My Xmas Stocking

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 19:20:55 GMT

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for bkaleidoscope

get your stocking

whee!

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 08:31:19 GMT

If this doesn't make you love Bollywood, then quite frankly, there's something seriously psychologically wrong with you. Come on, 5 minutes here will change your life forever.

Backstory to vid: Girl in glasses is a pretty bitter about life (but with reason) and can't be bother with things like emotion, fun, and laughter. Guy in hoodie just moved in next door, is fun-loving and good-natured, but kind of a pain in the ass.

Enjoy!

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 19:40:15 GMT

...

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 21:01:01 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER'S FEATHERS!!!

(Expect a package soon...)

Fri, 12 May 2006 06:34:29 GMT

I was going to write out a huge entry about how much pressure I'm under for various reasons and from various angles, but I thought I'd just simplify and say that I'M FUCKING STRESSED!!!!!

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 05:41:40 GMT

Our house was robbed.

They had to climb a tree to get to the window they used to get into our house. They took our computer (a really crappy one, but it had stuff I wanted on it), my lovely stereo ($200), 60 of my CDs (really old old that I'll probably never be able to replace), all of my jewelry (including the box), my DVD player (but it didn't work, haha, losers!), my pretty purple cordless phone (also kinda broken-ish, smirk), plus things like a decorated nutcracker Big T gave Mom, a flower arrangement Mrs. Reedy made, my little Christmas tree and ornaments, and probably other things that I didn't notice.

The whole thing about it (for reasons that I'm not in the mood to write about now but I'd probably tell you if you ask) is that they did it to hurt ME personally. The stereo and the computer I am pissed about, sure, but the others were stolen to make me upset.

And I really don't know why.

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 02:05:18 GMT

I'm soooo siiiiick. I CAN'T BE SICK RIGHT NOW! I've got so much to do this week. I've got SEVEN papers to write! But I can barely sit here and write this without wanting to fall over. Tomorrow's Alea's confirmation, and I don't know how I'm gonna be able to stand there next to her. Please, GOD, let me be better by tomorrow. Also, I'm suppose to sing on Tuesday and I haven't even practiced because I lost my voice for two days.God, please don't let me look like an idiot.

How to pack?

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 18:39:11 GMT

For those of you who don't know, I'm going to Europe May 29-June 22.I've never flown on a plane before, and I've never been away from home for more than a week. I must ask you all: how do you pack for a trip like this??? Do you pack one enormous bag or do you schlep two or three small ones? The thins is, we're not going to one place and staying put for three weeks. We probably won't be in one place for than two or three days max. There are trains, cares, boats to consider. Should I worry about a bunch of bags, or struggle to lug enormous luggage around Europe. I'm a big girl, and I know that this in no way will be "backpacking"; the sheer mass of my underwear alone will be significant (though I do intend on using the tried-and-true method of bringing old underwear and throwing them out as I go to make souvenir space). If anyone has any helpful hints, PLEASE SHARE!!!

I'm embarrassed for my fat ass.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 07:56:02 GMT

My burrito has 64g of fat, and
1435 calories. How about yours?

Mind you, I virtually always eat a half in a sitting, so it's like a day's worth of food (if not more)

A bouncing baby mp3 player!

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 22:35:11 GMT

I would like to announce that I am soon to have a special new someone in my life. That's right! I'M GETTING AN MP3 PLAYER! HURRAH!!!! Here are some pictures:

http://www.newegg.com/Product/Showimage.asp?Mode=&Type=&Image=55-501-137-02.jpg,55-501-137-03.jpg,55-501-137-04.jpg,55-501-137-05.jpg,55-501-137-06.jpg,55-501-137-08.jpg&CurImage=55-501-137-02.jpg&Description=ARCHOS Pink 4GB USB 2.0 Gmini XS 100 Pocket Music Player Model 500789 - Retail

(I actually got it at amazon.com for a much lower price, but this site has better piccies.) I really like it because it doesn't have many (any, really) extras: no voice recorder, no FM radio, no games, etc. I don't want to be a douchebag and be constantly playing with her toys like someone else I know... I just want to be an occasional douchebag! I was torn between the metallic pink and the cool graphic blue one, but I figured I'd get the pink since I have matching pink earbuds.

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:35:41 GMT

I want very badly to scream right now, but unfortunately I live on the quiet floor. I am so blaaaaah I can't stand it. I feel shitty on the max ALL THE TIME and it won't stop. I have no outlet for my mood, and I can't express my emotions to anyone because I don't even know what they are. I've been depressed before but not like this. I don't even know how to describe this. I can't sleep at night. I can't stay awake when it's appropriate to do so. Just... blah. This really sucks and I hate it. My schoolwork is reeeeeeeally suffering to do the fact that I can't even make it to class half the time because I'm either exhausted or ill. I really really love my classes and my teachers this semester, so that's not it. I'm just so frustrated with myself for feeling like shit when I have no reason to whatsoever. I can't even bring myself to get a fucking job because I know that if I feel just shitty with virtually no responsibilty, how the hell am I gonna get off my ass and go to work?? Well, no, I take that back (partially); I started an application but I didn't have all the info to finish it, but then I didn't bother to find the info because blah blah blah. My life just seems very pointless at the moment. Plus I'm also kinda pissy 'cause I can't go to a concert on Friday that I reeeeeeeeally wanna go to, but I'm being forced to go to one next week that I have no interest in. My kinda my current pissy point, but whatever. Anytwiddles, must get back to Jane Eyre if I want to have time for breakfast.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 09:46:23 GMT

Ok, I'm serious now. Who do I have to sleep with to get a damn iPod??? I need a fucking job.

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 19:36:28 GMT

How to make a bkaleidoscope

Ingredients:

3 parts intelligence

3 parts ambition

5 parts joy

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

shocking!

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 19:03:42 GMT

Creativity- Your inner power is
Creativity! Any of The Arts-music, dance, pure
art, drama, creative writing-are your passion.
You love the way you can control what happens
to you and your life while you participate in
any of The Arts, and you can push your emotions
aside when you do so. You at times can feel
very depressed and alone, and yet it only
further fuels your love for your art. Life to
you can often seem bitter and cruel, a world of
darkness with only a few tiny flares of light,
stretched out far in between one another. In a
way youre confused with what you want in your
life, and find it hard to trust people. Because
of this people of the outside world see you as
cold and uncaring, yet those who befriend you
love you a lot, and know you are only very
lonely and hurting. Boys are intrigued by your
mysterious mask, and one day, one of them will
reach passed your barriers and care for you the
way you so desperately want to be cared for.
Dont let the popular people get you down; you
are a wonderful person, and without the
creativity you bring the world, it would be a
very boring place. Love yourself for who you
are, for you are very special.
Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet:
A sweet, sensitive man/woman. The guy/girl who
understands your need for being alone
sometimes. Yet also someone who would do
anything to protect you for being hurt, even if
it means giving up their life.
Your stone: Jade
Your power: Dreaming/Imagination
Your element: Dream
A quote that applies to you: Dare to
dream, dare to fly, dare to be the ever chosen
one to touch the sky.

What's your inner power? (Girls only sorry. Beautiful anime pictures, lengthy results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 18:20:25 GMT

You Are A: Lamb!

Peaceful and gentle, lambs have been used in religious imagery for millennia. Lambs are baby sheep, an animal tended by shephards since the dawn of history. As a lamb, you tend to stay together in a flock and graze on grassy land. Lambs don't mind being led and tend not to go off on their own.

You were almost a: Duckling or a Kitten
You are least like a: Squirrel or a Monkey What Cute Animal Are You?

Someone's Going DOOOWNNN!!!!!

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 20:30:46 GMT

I'm... so... pissed. My quote wall will probably be taken down my the end of the week. There's been this back-handed quarrel between people in my wing about stuff that they've been putting up (that is, one of them is being a childish bitch about stuff that has nothing to do with her even though what she put up was far more... well, childish and bitchy... than anyone else's FREE EXPRESSION), and now we get a note saying WE HAVE TO TAKE DOWN EVERYTHING WE'VE PUT UP, except for messages boards and MAAAYBE some pictures on our doors. That's all I can say before I want to punch out several hundred people.